WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN NETWORK RADIO
CHAPTER 19~~ THE MOMENT OF TRUTH
It was August 1st and the first time in two months that Harry had made contact with the kids. It was the plants yearly picnic and he had called to see if the kids could go. He picked the kids up at around Noon and I decided that day that since I was not going I would keep myself busy so as not to have to think of what they were doing or what I was missing being that I attended almost every picnic and usually won something in raffles in fact I was known for being the lady who always won stuff.
I had been cleaning the house all afternoon and just as I laid on the couch the phone rung “ hello “ I said “ Momma” tami said “is it ok if we go to the park with Daddy “ I asked if the picnic was over and she said yes. I told her it was fine then she hung up. She sounded happy and I could hear some other voices in the background. I laid on the couch and was thinking about being with my family and then the phone rung again “ hello “ I said this time it was Harry “ Hello” he said in an almost sexy voice. “ Hello” I said again “ hello” he said then he said “ and how are you doing” “ fine” I said half happy he had thought enough to call. He asked me what I was doing and I told him that me and babi were laying on the couch taking a nap. He asked if I was dressed and if I wanted to meet him at the park “ yes I’m dressed, and yes I would will meet you” “ ok then meet us at ojibway” he said and hung up.
I jumped up off the couch excited that I was going to see my husband, eventhough he had just put me through all this bull shit I knew a part of me still wanted to be married to this man.
I got babi and hurried out the door I even asked her if she wanted to go see her daddy as if she could answer. When I got to the park I paused because part of me was happy to see him, and I was still kinna upset that he had put us through all this mess. I got out the car and to my surprise Harry said “ come here beautiful” “ beautiful” I thought “ hymph” as I walked over and handed babi to him. He took me by the hand and walked me over to where I could see the kids playing on the park equipment wearing nothing but smiles plastered all over their faces. He had picked up Shaneen ,Tami and Lil Harry seemed very happy to not only be with their dad but also to be with their sister. I walked over to the car and sat in it then Harry said “ Lets walk over here we need to talk” we walked down by the water and he pulled me close and gave me a big I miss you kiss right in the mouth then he started saying stuff like “ you know that you can’t make it without me and you know that I am nothing without you” he said “ we can make it but I have to do the leading, and the first thing I want to do is move out of that house cause, I told myself I will not move back in there” I looked with disbelief at what he was saying thinking “ who the hell you think I am” but saying nothing. Harry went on talking about all the things he thought I had done wrong, and all the things he had tried to do right as if I was to blame for this separation. He talked on and on til finally I had to silence him by reminding him that he was the one who chose to go to the Gus Macker and leave the kids home, after saying the night before he was going early and taking them with him.
I reminded him that he was the one that took $100.00 out of the room, and was unwilling to give it back after I asked him for it. I reminded him that he was the one that had been gone for almost two months, without giving us any kind of financial support, or respect for being his family. I went on and on til finally I was frustrated and ready to go home.
I came home and he came shortly after. He looked at the pool and thank GAWD I had finally gotten it to clear up, and was proud when he said “ Hmmm it looks good” as if he was in some odd way giving me credit for doing something right without him. He came in the house and looked impress as if housework was something he didn’t think I could do either. He even saw that I had prepared dinner even though the kids were gone all day. Finally he came over to me and said “ I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting” he said “ I love you and want to come home” and asked me if that was what I wanted. I told him it was what I wanted, but I never said it was partly because I was having so much trouble financially, or that I was so tired from having to do everything by myself. He went in the bedroom and called for me to come join him. We laid on the bed and he start kissing me and fondling me til finally I was naked and in his arms again.
Harry had always been a passionate lover but this time like one other time before it was different. He was working hard or so it seemed, but I felt nothing, infact it was as if I was in bed with a total stranger. He was stroking me different then he normally would, and he was kissing my breast and rubbing between my legs in a way that I thought was immature and annoying. He finally got done and I thought “ where the hell has he been?” for some reason I could always tell if he had been unfaithful, and this felt like one of those times. I said nothing and got up and cleaned myself up and went out of the room without saying a word.
I left him alone in the room just to see if he was gonna be going through drawers or the closet to see if he had anything left. He came out the room chuckling and said “ dang you didn’t leave nothing for me” I looked at him disgusted and ashamed both at the same time, and I said “ well what did you leave me with or better yet what did you expect when you came here?” He said “ Oh it’s fine” he went into the bathroom and washed himself up then he said he had to leave but promised, he would be back later.
Sure I thought as I watched him pull out of the driveway. I sat on the porch and thought about what had just happened, and how this bastard could have the audacity to come here and fuck me as if I was some kind of trick or passing fling. Then get up wash, and leave promising to return.
I went to bed around 12:30 am and needless to say no Harry no call. The next day I called him at work and when he called back he claimed that he had thought about what we did and decided that he could not live in this house again, he told me he wanted me to look for us a house to buy and that he would be here when he got off work. I called a realtor and then a mortgage company to see if being we had both filed bankruptcy what our chances for buying another home would be like. I was told that it might be possible to finance a mortgage but that we would likely have to be put in a higher interest rate bracket for awhile. I was kinna excited about the possibility of getting a bigger home and not only that being where Harry had to pay the bills but I wasn’t excited about the fact that again it appeared he had lied about coming over. I called and called him on his cell phone well my cell phone til finally I got him to answer. I could hear Jesse in the background and Harry told me that he had gotten tied up but that he would be here tonight.
I went to look at this house in Bridgeport and was happy that it was big enough for us and cheap enough for us to buy. Harry never did come, and again I went to bed feeling like this man is just stringing me along. The next afternoon he called and said “ I have decided that I don’t want to get back with you but I am coming by when I get off work to bring you some money”. He hung up and I thought “you fucking bastard!”
All afternoon I sat around kicking myself in the ass for being suckered into sleeping with this bastard knowing he done fucked around on me, and even stupid enough to believe that we could finally be a family again put all this childish bullshit to rest. 4:00 clock came then 5 then 6, 7, 8, and 9 til finally I called Harry on his cell phone. Ted answered, and after laughing in my face he hung the phone up. That was the last straw for me I got in my car and I went around to Laurann’s house as I was turned the corner to make my way back home. I saw Harry pull out of Debra’s driveway and turn the corner. I followed behind him blowing wildly as if I was about to make a citizens arrest. Harry finally pulled over on the corner of Webber and Lamson I pulled behind him and walked over to the car. I asked him “ what the hell is this game you playing with me” he said “ hold the fuck up who you think you talking to like that” I said “ I’m talking to you” I said “ I am sick of you, and all I want is the money you promised to give me” and I started to cry. Harry was drunk and had a empty look on his face as if he could careless that I was in pain, or that he had lied to me again. He told me that he had put the money in the bank and that he would get it, and bring it tomorrow if I gave him whatever stuff he had left.
I told him that I didn’t have any of his stuff left and I reminded him that the suffering he was causing the kids was wrong, and had nothing at all to do with how he felt about me. He turned and glared at me and said “ Bitch don’t you try to tell me about responsibility you put me out” when he said that I hauled off and slapped the shit outta him! He looked as dumbfounded as I felt being I had not ever physically attacked him before. He grabbed for me and began pulling me in the car window and I continued to struggle with him as if he was someone trying to kidnap me in fact I was beating the shit outta him when this car pulled up and these men asked me if I was OK.
Harry had turned away for a moment and when he did I snatched the gold chain from around his neck that I had bought his sorry ass for Christmas. I let the chain drop on the ground as he grabbed for my hand then I knelt and picked up the chain and went back to my car and drove off.
I went home feeling somewhat relieved that I had finally vented some frustration on his ass and for the first time I had attacked him instead of being the one he attacked. I looked at the chain and thought about a comment he had made just before I hit him. He said that he had just dropped Ted off at home when I saw him. I thought “ wait how could he drop Ted off at home if BOTH of them were living with Lauranne supposedly!” Then I became enraged! For the next couple of hours I sat and thought about what Harry said til finally I talked myself into getting out, and looking for his ass. I got in the car and headed towards Delores house and then on to McGill and around to Jessie’s and to the plant and pass Debra’s and Laurann’s til finally I had exhausted every place I thought he could be. I came home and sat down still angry about what had just happened earlier this evening. I got back in the car and this time I was thinking about the nightmare that I had been having and for a moment, I got scared, but I continued to drive over the same areas and look. I finally decided to go home and that’s when I seen the car in a place I would have never thought it would be in fact to this day I don’t know if it was the Lord showing me that car or if I was allowing the devil to have his way. I pulled up and dimmed my headlights and looked around. The car was backed into the driveway of this raggedy brown house; with clothes hanging off the line dragging the ground. I parked the car a few houses down and got out and walked up to the car to get a closer look; it was him alright. “ Now what the hell is he doing in this location” I thought as I ran back and hopped in the car and drove towards home.
For the next hour or so I paced and paced unable to sit down or to lay down. I paced til finally again I had talked myself into doing something but still I wondered if I should just follow my first mind and go lay down and TRY to get some sleep. I got in the car again only this time I had a knife.
I drove back to where the car was and parked in the lot of the auto shop on the corner and ran up to the car slashed both tires then scratched the hood of the car to let him know that his ass was busted! I knew that I would likely get killed when he saw the car especially being it was Stefon’s new camaro, but still I felt a sense of relief knowing that this bastard would know that I was not happy about having just been fucked over for the 900 thousand time in 10 years.
I went home and this time my thoughts were on what I had done and what Harry would do when he saw the car. I finally dozed off and again I woke up in this cold sweat. For the past two weeks day or night every time I went to sleep I had the same recurring dream about being in what appeared to be a house inside Saginaw High school with this narrow stairwell that only took me in a haunted maze and made me afraid. I continually thought about that dream and what it could have met as I waited in anticipation for Harry to call or do something the next day. To my surprise no Harry, and no call. I drove back over to that house and I swear it looked even nastier during the day. The car was still there and I could see that the front end was on the ground so I knew I had did a good job of making sure his ass didn’t ride today. I wondered for a moment what Stefon would think if he found out then I thought “ no better for his ass that’s what he gets for thinking it was OK for him to get in our business”