Chapter 4… She’s Here A Beautiful Little Girl…

May was going by rather slowly. The 13th was Harry’s birthday I had wished we could have celebrated it together, but oh well he hadn’t celebrated mine with me. I was really depressed that whole day. I tried to busy myself to keep from thinking about him; or what he was no doubt doing. I looked at the baby’s clothes alot. I hadn’t got any certain color cause I still was not sure what I was having. I was hoping for a girl in my own way, because I thought girls were cute, but deep inside I wanted to have a girl so that Harry would not think it was so hard to choose which daughter to stay with. I knew that kind of thinking was wrong, but it made me feel fairly secure to think it still. June had finally arrived. School was out, it was my last month to bake. My due date had been scheduled for the 21st. I was getting nervous recalling how hard it was when I had Nookie. I had to have a c-section and although it was easy to have the baby. It was a long, and painful healing process. I had to go to the school to pick up Nookies report card she had done fairly well, and I was just glad school was over. On the way home I lost my balance and I fell, luckily I didn’t hurt the baby, but I did scrape my knee. I laid down when I got home, and later that evening I took a long bath. The baby was jumping all over the place, and I was starting to become very stiff from the fall. Still I thought well worse that would happen was the baby would make a early arrival, and that I thought would not be such a bad idea. The sooner I got this baby out the sooner I could get back to being my own slim self again. The following week everything was going smoothly. I went tot he doctor and he confirmed that I had not hurt anything. My girlfriend Chalaine had invited me to a birthday party for her mother of Sunday. Although I had grown as huge as an elephant I was happy to be getting out of the house. Sunday afternoon she came over and I watched as she made a potato salad. We talked about all the times she had seen Harry at the clubs and all the tramps she saw hanging around him. She said everytime she saw him she made a point of asking how I was doing; eventhough she stayed in touch with me on a regular basis. As the time drew near for us to go to the party I told Chalaine that I really didn’t think I should be going, as big as I had gotten. She told me that I looked great as a Mother-to-be and that her mom was looking forward to meeting me. Well that helped me to feel better, so I got dressed and promised her that inspite of my limited ability I was going to have some fun. The party was very nice, and her mom got lots of gifts. I kept watching the door wondering if Harry was gone come strolling in being the party was being held at their motorcycle club. I was hoping he came in, but he never did. I sat and ate till I could feel myself about to burst at the seams. Shortly after I told Chalaine that I think I was ready to go home. I continued to feel stuffed, and it was not alot of fun to sit there and watch everyone else dance and laugh knowing that no one would ask me to dance.
Chalaine kept reminding me that I had promised to hang out with her the entire evening. I told her I had done good to last this long, but that I was still feeling stuffed. Later that night she wanted me to go with her to her motorcycle club where they were having some type of event. I told her I would go if she promised to take me home shortly. The day had gone well the food was great, and still I continued to feel full. Once we got inside her club I saw Peso. I had been going out with him a few months before I met Harry. he sat with me and complimented me on how nice I looked pregnant. I was very surprised cause he was the type that often criticized a woman. However it felt good to hear a man tell me I still looked pretty eventhough I didn’t believe him. A noticed another very handsome guy looking at me, and when Peso left he came and asked me if I would like to dance. I had danced a few times earlier in the evening at the birthday party. But no one had asked me to slow-dance. I told him I didn’t think that was a good idea, as he could not help but to see the condition I was in. he assured me that he would take it easy on me and that he very much wanted to dance with the prettiest lady in the club. Now I couldn’t resist that being he sho was the finest man in the club. he held me close and he smelled real nice. I had almost forgotten how good it felt to be in a man’s arm’s even if it wasn’t my man. I closed my eyes and felt as the baby would kick at him as if to say hey get off me. After the dance Chalaine said OK I have kept you out long enough, come on let’s go. Those words were music to my ears , cause I still had that feeling of being stuffed. On the way home I told her I could not believe that I was still stuffed. I said man that food must have had alot of the fattening stuff in it. She dropped me off and I hurried and laid down. I drifted off to sleep still wishing that I had gotten a chance to at least glance at Harry. But maybe it was for the best. The next day I got up and kind of dragged around the house. For some reason I was still feeling full; not energetic at all. Chalaine called and we talked for a couple of hours, I told her that I was still feeling full, and that I didn’t understand this at all. Morning came and went rather quickly. I had gotten up and decided to cook dinner early. I was interrupted by the phone. It seemed that phone had been ringing all day. But I was happy that at least I didn’t feel forgotten. This call came from Vera. Vera is a long-time friend of mine. She had also been pregnant this year; but unfortunately she lost her baby again. I really felt sorry for her and wished there was something I could do for her. While we were talking I had to drop the phone and run to the bathroom. It felt like no I had start peeing on myself and could not stop. When I came back to the phone I told her that I think my water had broken. She said oh my. She came over and took me to the hospital. On my way inside low and behold one of Debra’s friends were leaving. I said oh lord she will no doubt run and tell this. I got inside and they took me to the labor section. They didn’t really have to examine me as I was still leaking no gushing the fluid out. I laid on the bed thinking YES it will finally be over soon. A new baby and no more ugly pregnant clothes. I had wished harry was there, but I knew it was for the best and no doubt he and Debra were doing well again. The doctor came in shortly and announced that the baby was in fact ready to come. he asked me if I was in any pain. I told him no, he said well your contractions are like that of a woman in hard labor. I asked him what was a contraction and he said don’t you feel that. I asked him what? he said that. I told him oh I feel the baby kicking yes. He looked at me rather odd and said well I have been delivering babies all day and I am tired. He asked me if I thought perhaps I could wait till morning to deliver? I said well yeah; I mean as long as the baby can wait. I had not had my first natural, and lord knows I didn’t feel or think I could have this one that way. I laid there and watched the monitored and listened to the loud thumping sounds the baby continued to make. I realized that I had not really picked a boys or girls name that I liked. Vera sat silently and just watched me. I told her that she really didn’t have to stay there with me, and I thanked her for being brave enough to bring me and come inside with me. After I had convinced her I would be OK. The phone rung, I thought it would be Mommy or Laine, but to my surprise it was harry. Seems just as I thought Debra’s friend ran and told her and she no doubt called and told him. I told him that the baby was not coming out just yet, and that there was no need for him to have called. he told me that he had been wanting to call for awhile, but thought that I would not want to talk to him so he just tried to stay away. He said he knew he had hurt me, and that really he was sorry and yes he still loved me very much. He said that Debra was suppose to be moving soon and he assured me there was and had not been anything going on between them. I told him well it really didn’t matter anymore. Soon I would have a baby and my body back. I told him I could not believe that I had allowed myself to be treated the way he had treated me, and that I never in my wildest dreams would have thought I would have still been holding on to him for as long as I had. he continued to ask if he could come out there, saying he wanted to be there when our child was born. Finally after about 2 hours I told him to do whatever he wanted to. He told me that once he got off work, he would ride his bike out there. he still hadn’t gotten another car since he totaled the Lincoln a month after he had that. I thought man this guy is a trip he run over trees just like he tries to run over women. I laid back and watched and listened to the baby while I waited for him to get to the hospital. When he got there the first thing he did was put his head on my belly and tell the Baby daddy is here now.. I looked at him as if to say yeah rite. Daddy has been here and there ever since I got big. I thought oh well, I know better and tomorrow this body will be on its way back to being my own, and this baby will be out and in my arms. he stayed with me all night, and he talked about the usual how sorry he was and how much he loved and missed me, and the famous last words I want to come home. I told him that while I still loved him very much I was not willing to continue to play them games any longer. He begged and begged for one more chance, and again I said OK do whatever you want. But I warned him that he only had one more chance. The next morning we became the proud parents of a beautiful little girl. When I woke up in recovery he was right there smiling and beaming and wearing his it’s a girl pin. he kissed me and said she looks just like you. I let out a long sigh then I began to cry. Medication always did that to me, but the tears were also tears of joy and hope. The joy was that I had a girl and the hope was that I wanted so much to be back with Harry. He handed me a beautiful card with a picture of a little girl on it and he gave me a cute little bear he also had me some flowers and he had gotten lots of gifts for the baby. I must admit he was acting like the proud father I had hoped he would. He stayed there by my side holding me and the baby till it was time for him to go to work. he asked me for the key to the house, and said he was going home to get things ready for his lady and his beautiful daughter. I again reminded him this was it as I handed him the keys. he went off and I laid and just looked at the beautiful 6 LB 11 ounce baby girl that I had just given birth too on yes June 11th 1985.
I had to stay in the hospital for a week and it was torture. They gave me nothing but broth and jello. Saying that I had to eat that until I proved my system was functioning properly again. As the days were going by I was becoming very annoyed, telling them that I could not go to the bathroom because I had nothing solid in me to get out. Finally on Saturday I had enough. I couldn’t locate Harry I was hungry, and getting more and more crabby. I called Mommy and begged her to bring me some food. She refused I was getting angrier as the day turned into evening. I called and called but Harry was not at home. Finally at around 10p I told the hospital I was leaving. I got up dressed myself and the baby and called my parents who refused to come pick me up. I called a cab, and against hospital orders I left. I had the cab-driver stop at the restaurant and I got a hamburger fries and a Big pop. Once I got home I laid the baby down and I ate. The food was good, but once I finished eating; I started to question if what I had done was wise or foolish. I still didn’t know where Harry was, and I began to feel tired and very sore. The baby was sleeping soundly. So I started to put away her things and get ready to face the task of being a new mom. While doing that I began to cry. I know I was having mother blues and I love that no good man blues. I put away everything and went and washed up and got in the bed. While laying there I begin to pray. I asked the lord why was I allowing this man to treat me like this. I asked the lord to take him off my heart, and send me the Husband and father he had designed for me and my children. I dosed off to sleep and the phone woke me up. On the other end it was Debra screaming in my ear saying girl come get yo man. I said what? She said he is over hear trying to get in my bed. I said listen girl I am not in the mood for this, if he is there obviously he is not my man. I told her to tell him to bring me my car and to not call my home again. I hung up the phone feeling like, again I allowed myself to be had. I said I am sick of this man. Shortly after that Harry came in the door. I got up and asked him where in the hell did he think he was going. He told me he knew I was upset and that is why he hurried home. He said he had just came from on Maplewood and he had just told her that she had to move. he said he also told her that he is in love with me and that if I would have him he was coming home to ask me to marry him. I looked at him with total disbelief. he then took my hand and proposed. I said oh I guess you are really trying to see how stupid I am now right. he said no that is not it at all. he told me that he knew he was wrong, but for a long time he was confused about how it had happened that he fell in love with a stranger. That is a comment his friend had made to him very early in our relationship. We ended the evening with me accepting his proposal and the three of us falling asleep together. For the first time since I had known him I felt like this time we were really gone be a real family.