He came in the door confessing he’d been over Deborah’s Chapter 5 he proposed and I said yes…

Chapter 5 he proposed and I said yes…
Well the proposal went well. Now came the time to set a date. We were both undecided on any date. But I knew that I didn’t want to go through a long engagement, besides given his history of instability huh that could end at any time. We thought about getting married in July, so we planned on doing it then. But again as fate would have it when the time came for us to go through with it the plans had to change. We had planned on going to Cincinnati and getting married, but somehow when Harry went to change the oil in the car he said something was wrong with the car, and we would not be able to make the trip. I thought yeah rite, no doubt U done something to mess the car up. Oh well I thought. Harry tried his best to assure me that he had not done anything and that he infact was looking forward to going as much as I was. We again decided to get married on July 20th that was the date that we had devoted ourselves to a relationship last year. Everything went well up to that point, but I noticed that harry didn’t talk very much about getting married, and he had not even asked anyone to be his best man. We hadn’t planned on any ceremony but still we needed witnesses to get married.
The day came that we went to get our license I watched how he was acting and I must say he seemed happy and I know I was. This is it soon I am going to be Mrs. Taylor… hmmmmm the name even sounded good to me. We decided to have my father perform the ceremony and also to invite a small group of family and friends to share in this occasion with us. The day perform Harry appeared to be getting nervous, he was very quiet and seemingly distant. I chalked it up to last minute jitters and I thought nothing of it. He went off to work and said he would be off early. He called and told me he wanted me to get dressed. He was gone get off early and he wanted to take his girlfriend out for the last night on the town. I got all ready and thought back over the year as I did so. I got all dressed up and sat and waited for him to come home. He got there some 3 hours after he had said, and it was obvious he had been drinking. I was talking on the phone with Mommy at the time. I told her that he seemed upbeat but that he also appeared full of alcohol, and was acting really silly. Going through the house kicking his feet up to the top of the doorway and shouting karate sayings. I wanted to laugh but by this time I was pretty pissed off. I got the camera and took some pictures to remind him of how silly he acted the last night he was a somewhat single man. He too had taken a picture saying it would be the last time that he upset his baby and he wanted to remember how sweet I look when I am mad. We finally went out, and once at the motorcycle club I forgot all about how upset I was with him.. There were lots of well wisher’s and plenty of drinks, as if he really needed anymore. But he continued to drink and get louder and louder. We stayed there all night YES the sun was up when we came out of there. On the way home he started saying silly stuff to me.
First I thought oh Lord he is drunk and sho nuff gone be silly now. But then I realized he was serious about the rude things he was saying. I asked him what was wrong and he abruptly said nothing. He put his foot on the pedal and accelerated to the highest speed the car would go. I shouted ” what is wrong with you” he ignored me and continued at a high rate of speed. I watched in horror as I saw us getting closer and closer to this building wondering if he was gone stop of if he would even have enough time too. I continued to shout ” Harry please” what is wrong. You are going to kill us Please Stop this , Why are you doing this??? He never said a word and his eyes were fixed as if he was not even there. I started to pray Oh lord help me, if he does not want to get married that is fine, but I knew I didn’t want to die. I thought what about my baby our baby. I continued to try to get through to him. I reached and touched his arm, he pushed me off, saying don’t touch me don’t U dare touch me. I looked at him with complete confusion, and I said ” what the hell is wrong with U” “if U don’t want to marry me that is fine” but I knew I was not ready to die. He came to a screeching halt at the corner. I told him to let me out. He said go on get out. I opened the door and he spun around the corner. I had one hand on the door still and the other hand on the back of the seat. beneath I could see the pavement as I could feel myself sliding off the seat. Oh my GOD I thought this guy is trying to kill me. When he got to the next corner I was screaming in horror for him to just let me get out. He said go head get the Fuck out. I hurried and got out of the car totally confused and hurt as to what was going on. I began to cry as I walked down the sidewalk. I was suddenly shaken from my dazed thoughts as I looked up just in time to see him driving down the sidewalk towards me. I ran to a tree and grabbed hold to it as if it was my mothers knee as he whizzed on by laughing at me. I cried and thought my God this man is done gone crazy. I was just around the corner from home and I found myself praying that he would not be there. When I made it to the house and went inside he was laying on the floor in his own vomit. Suddenly my fear left me as I rushed to his side to comfort him. he was laying there crying and talking about how much his dad would have loved me. he said he didn’t understand why none of his family liked me and why they were doing us the way they were. I asked him what was he talking about. I asked him if he wanted me to call his mother and invite them to our ceremony. He said don’t bother they won’t come. I asked why not, they seem to like me. He laid his head in my lap and cried his self to sleep. I got a towel and cleaned up the mess. and got a pillow and laid his head on it. I couldn’t get him woke and he was way too big for me to move so I left him laying there. I got on the phone and called his mom’s house. Ted answered the phone. I told him that Harry and I were getting married today, I was surprised when he said “so” I said so we wanted to invite you and your mom. he hung up in my face. I thought what is going on. Ted has never treated me this way. I fooled myself by thinking well the phone must have came out the plug so I called back. This time I was totally shocked and hurt as he shouted” damnit we don’t care nothing about you all getting married and stop calling here” and again he slammed the phone down. I got in the bed feeling as if the whole world had turned on me. I had always gotten along well with Ted in fact he was the only one other then Harry’s mother who treated me nice. Finally I fell asleep and was awakened by he phone ringing. Mommy was on the other end saying well do U mind if we invite a few more people. I felt like crying and telling her what all horrible things I had gone through. But I decided not to say anything, again convincing myself it was all just a bad dream. I told her that I didn’t mind at all but that we would be later getting there then we had planned. I went back to sleep, but I couldn’t help dreaming about what had just happened, and I asked myself if I was sure that I wanted to go through with this. I loved Harry and eventhough I was very hurt by what happened I could not help but think maybe someone had put something in his drink or something. When he woke up he came in the room and woke me as if nothing had happened. He asked me was I ready to become his bride?
I looked at him and asked if he recalled what had happened this morning. He said no what? I started to tell him and then I thought what the hell. I told him that I had called Ted earlier. He asked me for what. I said to see if they wanted to come to the wedding, he asked ” and what did he say” I told him that he said hell no. Harry didn’t appear surprised at all. I asked him what was wrong. he said that he had told Ted and that he was upset with him. We talked for a few minutes and then the phone rang. Mommy was on the other end screaming” How much longer are you all gonna be”? I told her that we had been up late and that we still needed to get dressed, but we would be there soon. I showed Harry the wedding band I had went and bought for myself. Telling him that I knew he had not gotten me one, and although we decided we would wait to get one, I thought we needed to have a ring as a symbol. I went and bathed and watched as Harry shaved and cleaned his self all up nice and handsome like he always did. Just when I thought we were getting ready to leave he said oh no I have got to get some from my girlfriend one last time. I giggled as I said “you aren’t serious are you”? he said yes as he picked me up and took me in the room. I wasn’t in the mood for sex, infact I was still somewhat shocked about all the events of the day, but I went through with it not wanting to cause anymore confusion. We finished up and again I went and bathed and cleaned myself up again.
Well this was it. We got to the house and the guest were there Mommy’s long time friend Ms Lois was there and she asked if she could talk to us briefly. She told us that marriage was a very important commitment one not to enter into lightly, I recall to this day her words” whatever you do if there is a problem don’t go to bed until you solve it” she said everyday won’t be easy but if we commit to resolve our problems before we retire for the night many larger problems can be avoided. We agreed and went to the next phase and that was the pictures Mommy had even ordered me a bouquet which as far as I was concerned was not necessary at all. My father came down and performed the ceremony. Tony stood in as best man and neicy was my maid of honor. My father done a good job in the words he said. The baby was crying through the whole thing and I must admit it was getting on my nerves. Everyone was passing her around but she seemed upset for some reason. That was unusual for her. Tami was a good baby and if she was crying undoubtedly something had to be wrong with her. Finally they got around to giving her to me. She seemed very crabby but I tried to comfort her.
The time came for our toast and the cutting of the cake. Mommy had really tried to make this very special despite the fact the meal was mostly KFC and the cake was just a sheet cake. I was very happy because finally I was married to the man I thought I would never have even gotten to know. After we had dinner and I threw the bouquet, we were ready to go home. neicy wanted us to come over her house. Personally I wanted to just go home. I was tired and still not sure about the days events. harry said well lets just go for awhile. I said OK. when we got there they started drinking and playing cards. My mood was going from bad to worst and so was Tami’s crying. Finally I abruptly told harry I was ready to go home. We went home and we didn’t say hardly anything to each other on the way. Once home I got the baby down to bed she was resting well. I went and changed into something comfortable and waited for my husband to join me in the room. I laid there for what seemed like hours and finally I decided to go see what was taking him so long. I got to the edge of the door and there he was sitting on the couch watching t.v and masturbating. I looked and thought oh my GOD I eased back into the room and sat dumbfoundedly on the bed for awhile. Finally I went back out and made some noise thinking he would stop before I got out there. I went and sat next to him and placed my hand on his arm as he continued to stroke himself. I asked him why was he doing that and he said without any expression because it was his. I said but why are your doing that, I am your wife. This is suppose to be our night. He said well you got what you wanted I am here now what are you crying about. I said nothing and got up and went back to bed. This whole day and now night seemed so unreal to me. I am now Mrs. Harry Taylor and on my wedding day I almost got killed and on my wedding night my husband is choosing his hand over me. I cried as I laid there thinking was this what I prayed so hard for and if this it why do I seem so unhappy.
The next morning I got up and fixed breakfast. I tried to act as if nothing was wrong as I went about preparing his plate. The day went by fairly slow. Harry watched TV for the most part and played with the baby. We never once kissed or touched but still I tried to say well maybe he is just tired or something. The week went by fairly fast and we still had not consummated the marriage. I tried not to think about it, because up till now we had a really good sexual relationship. I believed that he loved me even though he really was not showing any real emotions towards me. I trusted that he was as happy as I was hoping to be now that I was his wife.